I was sexually abused as a child. My perpetrator was a close friend of my parents. I never told them or anyone else about the abuse and for the last 38 years of my life, I have carried this “secret” inside me. I am ready to tell my story now because an untold story never heals and an untold story does not help or protect anyone but the perpetrator.
My Childhood Sexual Abuse had far reaching effects on my life. It has never let go of my throat, haunting me every day into adulthood. The sexual abuse which I have suffered as a child has remained with me until I found the courage to forgive myself for something which I was never to blame for in the first place … not until I started telling my story. It took over and controlled every aspect of my life, work and relationships.
Certain things or circumstances would trigger flashbacks, taking me back to my childhood and the abuse. I have a huge problem with being controlled or manipulated by people or by situations in my life. When this happens I feel the grip tightening around my throat and all I can think about is breaking free and running to escape the suffocation.
Two years ago, a very significant event provided me with a turning point, a reason and a very strong desire to face the events of my childhood. I knew that the time had come to find my voice and speak up about what had happened to me as a child.
Childhood Sexual Abuse is a taboo subject, which gets swept under the carpet every day. It happens in almost every family and the perpetrator is almost always a family member or someone known to the family and the child.
No one wants to talk about it. People become uncomfortable and go silent when the subject is brought up. Families become divided because we are ashamed, it’s too close for comfort. We don’t want to talk about it because of what people will say and because it will make us stand out. We want to make it go away and think of it as something that happens to other people, not us.
It takes just one person who really cares and who really pays attention, just one significant event, just one life changing experience, to trigger a decision in the victim in order for them to cross the line from victim to survivor. Each one of us could be that trigger.
I have made a decision to tell my story because I am no longer ashamed. I was a child and I did not sexually abuse myself and neither did any other child. Now that I have found my voice, I intend to use it for the purpose of helping others find their voices and speak out against Childhood Sexual Abuse.
When you have lived with the pain of Childhood Sexual Abuse all your life, talking about it is like being free after a lifetime in jail. It took an enormous amount of courage to get to this point. I have healed but it’s not yet easy for me to talk about this. I didn’t get up one morning and just made a decision to blurt it out. I had to find my voice.
When you are searching to find your voice, you have to start with a whisper, making a little more noise every day until you are driven by the desire to stand up, speak out load and inspire others to share their story. That’s when I found healing and the courage to help others to do the same.
I am an Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse and as I begin to share my story with you, I ask that you stop, listen and hear my tears.
With forgiveness comes healing and personal freedom. Do you have the courage to forgive someone who has never admitted that they have wronged you and who has have never apologised for the physical and/or emotional pain they have caused you?
Please leave your comments, I would love to hear from you.