An Untold Story Never Heals

My Childhood Sexual Abuse had far reaching effects on my life. It has never let go of my throat, haunting me into adulthood.

I was sexually abused as a child. My perpetrator was a close friend of my parents. I never told them or anyone else about the abuse and for the last 38 years of my life, I have carried this “secret” inside me. I am ready to tell my story now because an untold story never heals and an untold story does not help or protect anyone but the perpetrator.

My Childhood Sexual Abuse had far reaching effects on my life. It has never let go of my throat, haunting me every day into adulthood. The sexual abuse which I have suffered as a child has remained with me until I found the courage to forgive myself for something which I was never to blame for in the first place … not until I started telling my story. It took over and controlled every aspect of my life, work and relationships.

Certain things or circumstances would trigger flashbacks, taking me back to my childhood and the abuse. I have a huge problem with being controlled or manipulated by people or by situations in my life. When this happens I feel the grip tightening around my throat and all I can think about is breaking free and running to escape the suffocation.

Two years ago, a very significant event provided me with a turning point, a reason and a very strong desire to face the events of my childhood. I knew that the time had come to find my voice and speak up about what had happened to me as a child.

Childhood Sexual Abuse is a taboo subject, which gets swept under the carpet every day. It happens in almost every family and the perpetrator is almost always a family member or someone known to the family and the child.

No one wants to talk about it. People become uncomfortable and go silent when the subject is brought up. Families become divided because we are ashamed, it’s too close for comfort. We don’t want to talk about it because of what people will say and because it will make us stand out. We want to make it go away and think of it as something that happens to other people, not us.

It takes just one person who really cares and who really pays attention, just one significant event, just one life changing experience, to trigger a decision in the victim in order for them to cross the line from victim to survivor. Each one of us could be that trigger.

I have made a decision to tell my story because I am no longer ashamed. I was a child and I did not sexually abuse myself and neither did any other child. Now that I have found my voice, I intend to use it for the purpose of helping others find their voices and speak out against Childhood Sexual Abuse.

When you have lived with the pain of Childhood Sexual Abuse all your life, talking about it is like being free after a lifetime in jail. It took an enormous amount of courage to get to this point. I have healed but it’s not yet easy for me to talk about this. I didn’t get up one morning and just made a decision to blurt it out. I had to find my voice.

When you are searching to find your voice, you have to start with a whisper, making a little more noise every day until you are driven by the desire to stand up, speak out load and inspire others to share their story. That’s when I found healing and the courage to help others to do the same.

I am an Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse and as I begin to share my story with you, I ask that you stop, listen and hear my tears.

With forgiveness comes healing and personal freedom. Do you have the courage to forgive someone who has never admitted that they have wronged you and who has have never apologised for the physical and/or emotional pain they have caused you?

Please leave your comments, I would love to hear from you.

36 thoughts on “An Untold Story Never Heals

  1. Apart from being her grandmother, I get why you’re so overprotective of Kairo.. Also, it doesn’t matter how long it took you to finally talk about it.. what matters most is that you did and that’s very courageous of you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words Lebogang, you are very intuitive …
      Kairo’s birth was the trigger which gave me the courage to find my voice and tell my story.
      I’ll speak about that soon …

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    1. Thank you Thando, I know and understand how hard it is to speak about something like this. I’m grateful that I have found the courage to do so and I am determined to help others do the same … take care

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    1. Hi Noma, thank you.
      I actually have done a life coaching course a few years back and I enjoyed it very much. I guess we are naturally drawn to that which feeds our intrinsic passion …

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  2. Child abuse never leaves you. I was mentally and physically abused as a child. I have never found a voicevto talk about it because it happened within the family. I was picked on by my own mother. What you wrote about family members keeping it harsh resonated with me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing Nandi, it takes a lot of courage to speak up, it’s not easy but the more we do so, the more Childhood Abuse, especially Childhood Sexual Abuse will become less of a taboo subject and more and more children will be saved from it. Be kind to yoursef, it was not your fault. Thank you so much for joining the discussion

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    1. Hi Nasreen. If each one of us can just inspire one other woman or one other person, we can change our country and the world. Thank you for your message, I truly appreciate what you have said. Stay blessed ❤️

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    1. I trust they are joyful tears Laureleigh because they should be. We need many more people to speak out against Childhood Sexual Abuse and we need to make it ok for them to do so … we need to clap and applaud them because it’s a personal victory when they do speak about it … We need to applaud them because they are the heroes …
      thank you so much, I appreciate your message

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  3. This isn’t something I have been through. But it’s a very courageous read and what I take from it is to be more vocal to kids boys and girls in my family to be aware of what’s comfortable with close friends and family. THANK YOU for being brave. That person certainly hasn’t won u are the winner in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Janet, yes kids need to know the difference between “safe secrets” and “secrets” that are not ok
      I’m glad you took something away from what I shared here. Xxx

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  4. You are an amazing woman Lynn..
    You are destined for greatness
    Although this was a life changing event in your life….you are now going to change the lives of so many women …..I admire your courage and strengths

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  5. Lynn I applaud you for telling your story. This is a subject dear to my heart…remember with God who can be against you.He will guide and direct you as what the next step is. JUST KNOW THAT WE ALL LOVE AND RESPECT YOU. YOU ARE A PHENOMENAL WOMAN.MUCH LOVE

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you Lynn for sharing your story and for being so brave. I have no doubt many women will be so inspired. You are an amazing WOW (Woman of Worth). Much love and respect for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Charlotte, I’m not sure if I am deserving of such accolades … im just someone trying to share their story 😊 Yes it’s not the easiest thing to do and it does require courage but I just want every woman, every man and every child out there to feel that they can do this too …. we all deserve that
      Thank you, I really appreciate your message 🙏🏽

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  7. Wow Lynn this story is so deep. Cannot begin to imagine yr pain…anger and hurt. AND yet you forgave and are moving on…so courageous…we can only learn from yr experience and be alert. I am so proud of you for the stance u took by speaking out. You are an amazing person. Always admired everything about you. Glad you are taking yr life back and r moving on from here…you have my support and my prayers. Love you Couz. Wish i was close to give you a hug right now.

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  8. wow Lynn may God bless you for this you are doing, i have been through almost the similar trauma which is never ending with it’s flash backs and all that, i have fear of almost everything because of what i’ve been through but nothing changes even though my life can look good but it ain’t at all inside its miseries but talking helped me a bit but i always it’s for time being.

    at some point i cant wait for my life to end as i see myself as dirt and that i’d never conceive or ever have a normal lie as this rape to me has been a pattern coz i find myself unsafe everywhere and always get victimized even in places where one should feel safe.

    but you are brave to share.
    all that has robbed me on loving myself, as how i have a low self esteem no one will ofcos love you, when you love yourself less, robbed e of education as i’ve grew up loosing concentration in all areas of my eduction and obtaining a simple thing as a licence that i can afford but it’s been impossible and hard to just focus period of all flash backs and that my life might be ruined forever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Tebo, thank you for sharing. It is really important to talk about this with someone you can trust an to seek counseling if possible
      You are not alone and what happened to you is not your fault. Please reach out to someone you can trust. Healing is possible

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  9. OMW !!! Lynn you are indeed brave and strong. Well done on speaking out. Your strength will encourage many others to do the same. The reason why we experience and go through situations, is to be able to say to someone else, I’ve been there, I know what you talking about, I feel your pain, we all need each other to pick us up when we down. The fact that you have forgiven, you already allowed the Holy Spirit to start the healing process. God be with you. You are in my prayers. xoxoxo Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh Lynn, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m so sorry for all the children and women that has to go through this every day and don’t have the courage to speak out. I applaud you for having the courage to speak out. Your test has turned into your testimony. May many women find the courage to speak out when they read your story. You are an overcomer and forgiveness is the first step towards healing. God loves you and He has made you fearfully and wonderfully. We love you xoxoxox (lots of hugs and kisses).

    Liked by 1 person

  11. i went through the same xperience two years back and my life has not been the same, everything has changed and for the worst. there was a point where i felt really useless that i had no reason to live at all. but then there are people like you who tells us its okay, we can forgive ourselves and move on..is there any how i can contact you?

    Liked by 1 person

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