Dear Childhood Sexual Abuser,
Do you ever think about me? Are you haunted by what you have done? How many sleepless nights have you had over the years, tossing and turning, remembering what you did to me? Do you ever experience flashbacks or triggers that take you back to relive every detail, or have you just continued living your life, blissfully unaware of the devastating impact you’ve had on mine?
This has been my realty for the last thirty-eight years.
You are a dysfunctional human being. Your actions are inexcusable and I am not condoning any of it. I have lived my entire life trying to make sense of what happened, believing that I was to blame or that I was somehow responsible for your actions.
I have finally found the courage to talk about what you have done to me. I have no desire to confront you or ever see you again because I can’t see how that will help me in any way. I have forgiven you.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim, letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor. – C.R Strahan
You don’t deserve my forgiveness and I was under no obligation to forgive you. It’s not my responsibility to make you feel better about destroying my innocence and making my life hell. I chose to forgive you, not for you but for my own sake. It was my choice and I did it in my own time, when I was ready. It took me a long time to heal from the pain you have caused me and now that I have healed, I have chosen to forgive you.
For a very long time I have lived with the pain and confusion of my childhood nightmare. I trusted you and my family trusted you. I lived with guilt and shame all my life and I believed that I was to blame for what you have done. You have caused psychological and emotional trauma, which remained for most of my life. That was the power you had over me.
I don’t know what has happened in your life to motivate your actions. There must be a reason for what you have done and whatever it is, I feel empathy and compassion for you. I have found inner peace, knowing that what you did to me does not define me. What happened was your fault, not mine. I was just an innocent child.
There are still bad days when I struggle with my emotions. I can’t handle people who are controlling or the idea of being owned by anyone. I believe that’s a good thing.
The week can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. – Mahatma Gandhi
I hope you find the courage to forgive yourself and that you find peace within yourself.
For me, it’s over, it’s in the past and you have no further power over me. I am free.
Yours in Forgiveness
Your Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor
How do you feel about forgiving someone who has wronged you?
Please leave a comment, I would love to hear from you.