I Forgive You

A Letter To My Childhood Sexual Abuser

Dear Childhood Sexual Abuser,

Do you ever think about me? Are you haunted by what you have done? How many sleepless nights have you had over the years, tossing and turning, remembering what you did to me? Do you ever experience flashbacks or triggers that take you back to relive every detail, or have you just continued living your life, blissfully unaware of the devastating impact you’ve had on mine?

This has been my realty for the last thirty-eight years.

You are a dysfunctional human being. Your actions are inexcusable and I am not condoning any of it. I have lived my entire life trying to make sense of what happened, believing that I was to blame or that I was somehow responsible for your actions.

I have finally found the courage to talk about what you have done to me. I have no desire to confront you or ever see you again because I can’t see how that will help me in any way. I have forgiven you.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim, letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor. – C.R Strahan

You don’t deserve my forgiveness and I was under no obligation to forgive you. It’s not my responsibility to make you feel better about destroying my innocence and making my life hell. I chose to forgive you, not for you but for my own sake. It was my choice and I did it in my own time, when I was ready. It took me a long time to heal from the pain you have caused me and now that I have healed, I have chosen to forgive you.

For a very long time I have lived with the pain and confusion of my childhood nightmare. I trusted you and my family trusted you. I lived with guilt and shame all my life and I believed that I was to blame for what you have done. You have caused psychological and emotional trauma, which remained for most of my life. That was the power you had over me.

I don’t know what has happened in your life to motivate your actions. There must be a reason for what you have done and whatever it is, I feel empathy and compassion for you. I have found inner peace, knowing that what you did to me does not define me. What happened was your fault, not mine. I was just an innocent child.

There are still bad days when I struggle with my emotions. I can’t handle people who are controlling or the idea of being owned by anyone. I believe that’s a good thing.

The week can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. – Mahatma Gandhi 

I hope you find the courage to forgive yourself and that you find peace within yourself.

For me, it’s over, it’s in the past and you have no further power over me. I am free.

Yours in Forgiveness

Your Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor

How do you feel about forgiving someone who has wronged you?

Please leave a comment, I would love to hear from you.

11 thoughts on “I Forgive You

  1. I am in a situation where by my long time bf cheated on me and he impregnated another girl, I don’t understand why he did but he has really torn me apart. .he says he loves me but I don’t believe it .ever since I dated him ,he was never loyal but I kept on forgiving but still no change.i don’t even know what to do it hurts even when I try to study it’s hard , it’s painful .he was my first bf….please give me an advice

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Kedibone. I wish I could advise you but Im not qualified to d so. I just tell my story and trust that people will earn from me and find the inspiration and courage to change their own. All I can say is learn to love who you are and decide whites important to you and what makes you happy. it takes a lot of courage to make a decision to either accept our lives as they are and live with our circumstances or make a decision to change and decide what we will nor accept in our lives. we always have a choice. Take care

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  2. Lynn,you are such a strong woman,I admire your strength and your courage.I pray that God will grant you much comfort when you need it most and may you continue to shine and be a beacon of light and hope to those around you.💖

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It hit home. Thank you Glammy for this, hopefully one day I’ll have the courage to speak just like you.❤ was watching you on Real Talk today, you’re courageous and phenomenal lady.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Rache. Thank you so much for watching. We all have it within us and you will find the courage. It’s a process and it takes time but when the time is right you will find your voice and you will be strong. Take car and enjoy the journey.

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  4. Watched you on RealTalkWithAnele and you were amazing. I would like to communicate with you private. I experienced same situation and it’s been more than 20 years living in silence due to protecting my family

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Felicia, thank you for watching and thank you for your message. I can only help by sharing my personal journey and trusting that people will find the courage through hearing my story. Im not qualified to give people personal advice. So I want to encourage you to work on loving yourself and with that will come acceptance and the ability to forgive yourself for whatever has happened in your life. that was the most important thing for me to do. Talk to someone you can trust and take things from there. You have the courage inside of you, you just have to find it and it might take some time. Believe that you are amazing and worthy of internal peace. Take care

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  5. Hi Lynn, just saw a repeat show of Real Talk with Anele. I have been struggling with the same experience for over 35 years, only I eventual fell pregnant at the age of 16. 2 years back I finally got the guts to lay charges against the perpetrator to try and find closure, to rub salt in my hound he was found not guilty, now I am questioning myself, did he have the right to rape me from the age of 13 until I fell pregnant 3 years later, I am left feeling worst than I did before opening the case, my parents did nothing about it, and now when I thought that I am no longer ashamed to talk, I am told by the court I am laying, it will be hard to forgive.

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    1. Hi Masechaba,
      Thank you for your courage and for sharing your story. Im sorry to hear that speaking up came with so much pain for you. I do believe that we have to continue telling our stories and someday our truth will be heard.

      You know the truth and sometimes thats enough.

      Take care of yourself

      Xxx

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  6. Hi Lynn! Your blog is absolutely amazing. You are such a beautiful, inspirational woman. You have the most beautiful soul and it radiates into your outer beauty. I simply had to tell you that I was really, really moved by your spirit and drawn to the light you have. You are a mentor and have this unique ability to make anyone feel absolutely comfortable in your presence. I hope to learn loads from you. And one day when I grow up, I hope to be as amazing and gorgeous as you are 🙂 May you continue to be blessed in abundance and grow in leaps and bounds in the work you do. xxx Yelanda

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    1. Hi Yelanda! Thank you so much, Im completely humbled, thank you so much.
      What an absolute pleasure meeting you and spending the weekend with you and the rest of our writing group. I have drawn so much inspiration from everyone and have discovered and uncovered so much of myself.
      All the best with your own journey. Hope to see you soon.
      xxx

      Like

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